STARS

i look up into the inky black Los Angeles sky trying to find that star i'd wish upon...but somehow all i see is darkness...

i used to remember the time when i'd sit out on my porch in my little hometown, and gaze up into the heavens with the gentle night breeze touching my face. and as i lift my head into the heavens i'd see a billion stars looking down on me.

are they looking at me as i'm looking at them? or is it just me gazing up in awe of their beauty?
so now here i am, stuck in this city...not once seeing a single star in the heavens. i see the moon...i see the clouds....i see an airplane passing by, but where are the stars i've come to love? how i wish just ONE would wink down on me, just as they have when i was little.

so now...i walk the streets of LA and i look down on the stars i'm walking on ...Hollywood...glitterati...fame...fortune...money... is that what stars are today? are they reduced to mere shapes that we walk on in Hollywood boulevard?

for once i want them to look down on me, not ME looking down on them. simple. beautiful. blinking in the darkness of the night. i want to look UP and see them, i want that gentle breeze tussle my hair.

i want to look up with darkness surrounding and only having the stars as my light...as my guide.
i've been lucky enough to have seen stars...a billion of them in the sky at one moment...i'm even luckier enough to have seen them fall one at a time, on a cold windy night, lying on the sand, with the sound of crashing waves surrounding me.

memorable. unforgettable.

i remember seeing one fall, like a dream...and i remember wishing on it as i've never wished on anything before. and then another came...and another...and another...never have you seen such beauty. shooting stars... falling stars...how i wish i'd have that moment to rewind. nothing but inky darkness surrounding...the swishing of coconut trees in the distance...the waves...the sand...and just the feel of you lying on the beach and gazing up into that heaven full of stars.

but here i am...

stuck and gazing at this "city" sky...wishing and waiting for that ONE star...not for it to fall, not for it to twinkle...but just for it to appear and remind me that i'm still looking at the same heavens i've looked at before when i was young. and reassure me that life may have have changed but at least something is still constant in this life...

In Retrospect

And so another phenomenal weekend has passed. I don't know how much fun I was capable of having until I met friends such as these.

It's funny how people click...

I found myself on a Sunday morning curled up in a sofa bed in a cabin right of the beach in San Diego and this is the view that I find...

Pristine blue waters...blue skies...sea gulls milling around...

Who would've thought the night before was a night made to go down in party history books. It started with the concept of a small party instigated by my good friend Allyson...the idea turned into reality...

So we found ourselves with a well stocked fridge which wasn't even enough when the night rolled forward. 4 bottles of Jagermeister...vodka...Patron tequila...beer, beer and more beer...

Malibu rum...Crown Royal...Baileys...TGIFridays margarita mixes...

Random people stopping in to say hello...a beer or two offered -

Two girls 'skinny dipping' in the freezing water...a naked game of
"Bullshit"...black markers being the devil when you're wasted...
"used" condoms...incriminating pictures aplenty.

I felt like I was back in college and partying 'til the sun came up.

Hey...we're all trying to escape the reality of life...that in a month or two this will just be a distant memory...everyone of us will be moving on...half of the group will be going to Iraq...and half the group will be back in Los Angeles trying to live their own lives...

This weekend is going to the books not because it was one of the best parties I've been to...it's going into my books because for a certain moment in time, I found a group of people that I can say that i "love"...not just for them being fun...but for them rediscovering the me that I've always wanted to convey.

I thank God for friends such as these. (I pray for the safety of half the group who are going to Iraq. May there be more parties to come.)

Pillowpants the Travelling Troll

This serves as an introduction.

Meet Pillowpants* the travelling troll.

He'll be coming with me and my friend Allyson wherever our misadventures may take us.

I'll keep you posted of his travels.

*Pillowpants - if you have no idea what that means, just YouTube -> Pillowpants Clerks 2 movie.

Conversations With A Romantic

I am not a romantic. I have no illusions about the grandeur of love.

BUT it's always refreshing to hear stories of love...of hope...of trust...of almost "perfect" relationships in this crazy world of broken hearts...broken marriages...cheating husbands/boyfriends...cheating wives/girlfriends...a world where falling out of love could happen all the time...

I had a conversation last night with a friend of mine...not one of my gay-fruity-tutti friends...but a straight-as-fuck guy...the times I've talked to him, we've always mucked around and cussed each other out and revel in stories of sexuality and stupidity. But last night was different.

He told me despite his whoring ways...he still wants to find somebody real...

He proceeds to tell me about, this guy in his Marine Corps unit who calls his wife almost everyday, and talks to her in the sweetest softest voice. They've been married three years and he still talks to her like they've just met.

It's funny because this friend of mine is divorced...and he has all the bitterness and disillusions about marriage and love (or so i thought)...but somehow, he's still holding out for love-

I tried making fun of him...since he's a soldier...and it's not normal to see them spouting love sonnets...he has the worse potty mouth i've seen, but when he started talking about love - it kinda gave me that AWWWW feeling, he said (in his thick Boston accent) - "i don't give a fuck about fuckin birthdays and valentines day, because when you've found the one you're supposed to be with...everyday is a fuckin special day." And he proceeds to tell me about how it would be nice to just find that someone you can fully trust with no inhibitions...he believes in whole-hearted trust...no holds-barred love...he wants to fall into it and just lose himself in a woman he loves. To shower her with everything he can...to protect her...

He kept saying the word TRUST...(he kept saying it because a high percentage of Marine Corps men are divorced because of their wives cheating on them)

All I'm saying is that I'm taken aback to hear these things from a guy so bitterly hurt...it's refreshing to know that some guys out there, although they don't show it, actually pine for the kind of LOVE meant for literature... and to stick with one person...and to actually say that they don't have any disillusions about love, since love is just fuckin love...no need to fuckin rationalize what needs not be...

I kinda got teary-eyed just hearing him say these things about love...and finding THE ONE. ..blah, blah, blah...So i got quiet...and he tells me, "i guess i found a way to keep you quiet..." and i tried to hide the crack in my voice and said "yeahh..." he clears his throat, "well, i feel kinda fuckin gay now...shit...let's talk about this chick i met in Malta..."

And then he turned back into being just a "guy".

An Email, McGriddles, My Fat Ass and My Boss

I am a serial emailler. I'm one of those people chained to my desk sending emails like crazy. My average emails sent a day is around 30...and the number of emails I get is way more than that.

So MISTAKES do happen.

So, I got an email from a co-worker asking if I brought lunch. Here's how it goes:

Co-Worker: Did you bring lunch today? (It's only 10:30 and I'm bored already...)

Wai'oli: Nah I didn't but I figured I'll starve myself at lunch today and not eat because I'm looking forward to a BIG dinner later where I can stuff myself with Korean Bbq with rice and kimchi etc etc. PLUS, I stopped by McD's today and had a Sausage Egg McGriddle...omg, it's sooo fatty. I am so botching my diet. Me and my fat ass. Did you bring lunch?

I pressed the SEND button after that.

Got a call from my boss's (gay) assistant, Bill, one second later.

Bill: Did you mean to send an email to John?

Wai'oli: What do you mean?

Bill: Email about food...?

Wai'oli: OH. MY. GOD.

Bill: Don't worry I'll delete it before he sees it...oh cripe! He just opened it.

Wai'oli: SHIT SHIT SHIT

Apparently I forgot to close the reply window I had for my boss, because I was emailling him before I emailled my co-worker back. GREATTTTT. Why did it have to be the BIG BOSS. I mean I could've sent it to any other boss...WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE BIG BOSS???

I am such a dumb-ass.

Now he knows I eat McGriddles to feed my fat ass. (Ugh, and he's vegan too! He must be real disgusted by me now!) Shoot me. NOW.

And then, my "You've Got Mail" sound beeped.

Oh. My. Dear. GOD.

John: No I didn't bring lunch. But I sure am hungry!!

Shoot me. NOW. NOW!

Wai'oli: SORRY JOHN!!!!

After a tense couple of minutes...and a gazillion visions of me walking into his office and getting reprimanded for personal use of email...and eventually getting FIRED...and him telling me to go on a diet...

John: No problem. :-)

OH MY GOD. I felt weak. My sweaty armpits and clammy hands suddenly felt awkwardly uncomfortable. And I let out a big WOOOSH of air, and started laughing. I am such a nutcase. Thank GOD my boss loves me.

Who cares if I'm the laughingstock of the office for a month? I don't! At least everyone gets a good laugh out of it. Haha!

Cheers to not getting fired.

My Good Deed For The Year

I have done my duty to my country by helping out four Marines stranded in Los Angeles with two flat tires at 2:30 in the morning.

Go figure. I'm a sucker for damsels in distress. Or for search of a better word, "soldiers" in distress.

What can I say? How can you not help a man in uniform? I mean, they're protecting our country right, so might as well help them in their time of need - hahaha! It didn't help either that they were pretty hot stuff - lean, mean, fighting machines, I love me some US Marines! (hahaha! ok i'm stopping now)

So they had two flats, and I offered to let them have my spare - which unfortunately did NOT fit their car. BUT if I let them borrow my tire, my actual tire, then they would make it. So there I was, sitting on the curb watching them take my tire out and putting my itty-bitty spare onto my car. I was NUTS.

Not only was I giving complete strangers my tire, but I was gonna let them drive it all the way down to Camp Pendleton in San Diego! God knows when they would return my tire. But it was too late to back out, so there I was giving my tire away and taking pictures of their license plate and driver's licenses.

But thank God, because not all people are untrustworthy. They drove all the way back to LA to give me back my tire after two days. And apparently, I've earned me a couple of friends in the process. Called me an "angel" to boot...I apparently saved their asses because they really need to be back at camp by 6 in the morning.

They told me that no one in their right mind would have done what I did, because no one is that trusting nowadays. But they're thankful I had a 'good heart' - haha! And they promised that if i ever need someone killed - i know who to call.

Thank GOD for good karma. Haha!