what would you say to your younger self?

After a few shots of sake, my friend and I came to a conversation on age.

She says, "I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror yesterday and it finally hit me. I'm almost thirty. I always used to look at myself in the mirror and just see ME...but yesterday I saw myself as an older version of me. It's weird coz it's never happened before..."

I don't know if it was the sake bombs we were drinking or what...but it got me thinking of my own life and how I see myself. Though I still have five more years 'til I'm thirty, I just started thinking if I were at a point in my life wherein my younger self would be proud of me.

I visited the website www.letterstomyyoungerself.com and it's mostly women (celebrities, writers, singers, politicians, artists, and ordinary women) wanting to tell their younger self something they know NOW. It got me thinking on what I want to tell the younger me...hmm..

If only I felt a little older...

I still feel like a kid sometimes. And when I look in the mirror I still see the same person I've been looking at for the past twenty-five years of my life. I don't see the gray hair, I don't see the wrinkles, I don't see past the glimmer of worry in my eyes...i just see ME...

oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up look at the mirror and see me as a 25-year old...today i can dream about still being 21 and not having to pay rent and receive allowance from mom.

Haha.

But i do remember my younger self saying, "I'll probably be working in some glamorous corporate world, married and getting ready to have kids when i'm around 25 to 27"...mmm...RIGHHHTTTT *sarcasm*.

I'll tell my younger self to - not rush into situations and that getting married early is not a prerequisite to have an amazingly fabulous life. And I'll tell the younger me, that kids are life altering little things...they're disguised as little cute baggages, but indeed they are baggages that can only be carried when you're ready. And you'll know when you're not ready when it's staring at you in the face. I'd say "take your time"...and that your first boyfriend is not gonna be your last...and that who you thought was gonna be your last boyfriend is still not gonna be THE last. Haha. And that just "expect the unexpected" and sometimes things just fall into place when you didn't even know that things were NOT in place. Never rule out bars when meeting an amazing person, because sometimes fate just steps in at the weirdest of places...like a dive bar in West Hollywood...and that sometimes, you have to be a good Samaritan and go out on a limb to reap life altering rewards (like helping strangers with their flat tires).

(Note: Check out the book If I'd Known Then by Ellyn Spragins..it's supposed to be inspirational...or NOT...it may make you realize that some of these women accomplished a LOT in their early twenties. So it could either make you feel inspired, or just make you feel like shit cause you're thirty and still have not accomplished what you've set out to accomplish. Ugh.)

Help Me Make Strides Against Breast Cancer

Dear Friend:

No one should have to face the words, "you have breast cancer" alone. Not me or you, or your mother, sister, friend or colleague.

That's why I want to help make a difference in the fight against breast cancer by participating in the American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk this October in San Diego. I hope you will join me by making a donation in support of my effort.

Why Making Strides? Because the American Cancer Society invests the funds I raise in a responsible and effective way, fighting breast cancer on many fronts: groundbreaking research, public awareness and education campaigns, advocacy at the federal and state level to ensure all women have access to mammograms, and free programs and services that improve the quality of life for patients and their families.

And at Making Strides, walkers like me unite to honor breast cancer survivors and to educate women about early detection and prevention.

How can you help? You can support my efforts by making a donation using my personal online fundraising page. It's safe and simple. All you have to do is click the link below and follow the few easy steps. Last year, 450,000 Making Strides participants raised $45 million, and they did it one donation at a time. So, whether you're able to give $5 or $500, every bit truly does help.

Hope starts with me. And hope can start with you.

Thank you!

Let's Make Strides...Donate Here.

a letter to my younger self

Dear Oli,

Hi...you probably things are tough right now, but just brace yourself for what is about to come. But I do want you to know that things will be "kind of" okay and I know you have all these insecurities but I want you to know that there is nothing to be ashamed in:

1. Having super curly hair that has a mind of it's own. So what if the wind blows it and it stays exactly as the wind has blown it? You'll realize some years later that some people would love to have textured hair as you do and it will define the sense of style you will carry.

2. Being darker than an average Filipina. You'll realize that being called "negra" or "uling" is just another way to make you stronger and accept criticisms once you grow older. Someone will always be fairer than you, prettier than you, thinner than you, smarter than you, faster than you...etc. But that doesn't stop you from reaching your own potential...be it in beauty, smarts, or drives.

3. Having "soccer legs". Think of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood...'My what big eyes you have...the better to see you, my child'. Analogy in playing your sports..."my, what big legs you have...the better to outrun you, bitch."

4. Being mediocre in things you set out to do. I know you're frustrated, Oli. You've tried ballet, taekwondo, swimming, soccer, hula, contemporary ballet, belly dancing, piano, guitar...but have never really truly excelled in one. But at least you can say that you've tried something new. It'll help you cope with new experiences once you've grown older. (Believe me)

5. Being a "happy drunk". So okay, people tell you that you become a whole other person when you drink. You seem carefree...you're loud...and wildly flirtatious. Do not be ashamed of who you are when inebriated. It makes for happy memories.

6. Letting "bygones be bygones". I'm telling you now that you will make major mistakes in your life that are more than your ten little fingers can count (and that's only when you've reached 25!). And sometimes not even friends or family will be there for you...not even your spirituality will save you...and you will find yourself sinking so low that you would not know where to pick yourself up from. You'll find yourself doing/saying things you never thought possible. I'm telling you now, do not ever take for granted the upbringing youv'e had. It's what made you the person that you are now, and it's what will make you the person that you are in the future. Be thankful of the values that you've been harnessed growing up because sometimes the only thing that you can cling to are your values. You'll find yourself reaching your lowest of lows...but be grateful for not clinging to "things" that will pull you to some bottomless abyss. Be aware of your own strength.

The Landlord ...

After a year....this video still cracks me up!!!

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

desi(RED)...cultu(RED)...fea(RED) - i support product (RED)

I have an obsession with product (RED).

What RED Is

(RED) was created by Bono and Bobby Shriver, Chairman of DATA to raise awareness and money for The Global Fund by teaming up with the world's most iconic brands to produce (PRODUCT)RED branded products. A percentage of each (PRODUCT)RED

product sold is given to The Global Fund. The money helps women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa.

What's the meaning of the parentheses or brackets? Well, we call them "the embrace." Each company that becomes (RED) places its logo in this embrace and is then elevated to the power of red. Thus the name -- (PRODUCT)RED.

You, the consumer, can take your purchase to the power of (RED) simply by upgrading your choice. Thus the proposition: (YOU)RED. Be embraced, take your own fine self to the power of (RED). What better way to become a good-looking samaritan?!

Beijing Olympics + Team USA/Men's Relay 4x100 = WOW!

Stayed up late last night to watch the Men's swim relay team make history...

Absolutely amazing...USA was trailing at least a man behind the French trash talkers (crowd favorite)...they were still trailing up to the fourth leg of the race...when Lezak (self-coached team captain of the team) slowly inched forward towards the end and beat France by one hundredths of a second. It was the most amazing recovery in relay history.

Love it. (i <3 Michael Phelps!)

"Oh Shit...F*#@!" moment...

HELP! I don't know which way to look at this situation...from an optimist point of view? or a pessimist? I know it's a silly debate...but I really don't know how I feel after what I just did...I need someone to bitch slap me and tell me "you messed up" or someone to give me a pat in the back and say "it's okay, you did something right."

Situation:
So my car has had a dent for the past two years now. I was parked on the street when I got hit and run...and they left me a nice big scratch and a BIG dent on my driver's side door.

So today, after work as I was drying my car at the car wash, two Mexican dudes came up to me in their White Ford Explorer. And they said they can fix my dent for $100 in 15 minutes. Doubtful? Fuck yeah. I've had my door looked over at a body shop before and they told me it would cost $400++. So yeah.

So these two guys who looked like they were high on crack would not stop pestering me and said they can "show" me how easy it takes.

So i was like "okay, show me...but i don't have money." And I didn't realize by showing me, they would be drilling HOLES in my fuckin door! So that whatever contraption they have would latch on to the metal and they could pull out the dent. FUCK ME.

Fuck Fuck Fuck.

I was just like, "You just drilled fuckin holes in my car!" and they were like, "no, don't worry we'll fix it, we'll fix it!"

And they sure did fix it...after the holes were drilled, they covered it up with something, my car door looked so much better than it has in two years. They went ahead and covered up the holes with some chemical thing, and now all i have to do is get it sanded and painted on. (which i will definitely go to Mitsubishi to have it fixed!)

But still...i feel like a dumbass for actually paying someone $100 to fix my car randomly on the street, what if the they did it wrong? What if they weren't supposed to do what they did? What if they did more damage? I mean, it looks great but what if...what if...what if??? It wouldn't matter so much to me if they didn't look like they were high on crack or something.

But still the optimist in me is saying - "HEY, my door is fixed! All I need now is a paint job!"

But then the pessimist is saying - "You are so dumb. You don't let crackhead strangers drill holes in your car and pay them!"

Argh. I hate being a girl and not knowing anything about cars. I hate being alone in the city with no one to fend off the crackheads in the ghettos. And i hate not having guy friends around here that can tell me if what those crackheads did was right.

I mean, I'm all about aesthetics...and it sure does look great. My little metrosexual Kootch is finally fixed after two years...he finally got some plastic surgery and now all he needs is some good make-up! (Yes my car has a gender and a name!) So I should be happy right?

Ugh I need professional help. For my car I mean...not for me. Haha.

Johnny Depp to do Riddler for Batman 3?

Buzz around Hollywood circles is that J. Depp has been approached to do The Riddler for Batman 3...C. Nolan wanted someone who could match or be better than the late H. Ledger's Joker.

(Omg. Be still my heart. Haha.)

Other rumors...

Megan Fox as Catwoman and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin.

A False Sense of Relationship

Someone accused me of liking the thought of being in a relationship but physically loathe being in a relationship.

Does that make any sense at all?!?

Just because my ex boyfriend of four years lived like thousand of miles away from me...he was in New Zealand and I was in Los Angeles...and my NOW boyfriend is currently thousands of miles away also (think Iraq)...does NOT mean that my type of guy is the one that i NEVER see.

Seriously.

I'm only human to crave something physical.

And I'm already mature enough...since 'i've been there, done that', to know that long distance relationships NEVER if not HARDLY work.

Believe me.

Of course I like being in a relationship! And all the perks that come with it. I'm seriously not the player people make me out to be. (Even though I have dabbled in 'playing' for a while...I seriously am committed to making a relationship work.) I don't find a false sense of singledom when being in a long distance relationship. I mean, OKAY...i admit though, with my old relationship, I kinda lived by what Ludacris said... "i got hoes, in different area codes...area codes..." Haha.

So yeah I kinda did have the mentality of playing around but always liking the fact that I had someone to fall back on to. I always had the one guy that was presentable enough to the world and for my family. Yes, yes, I had a trophy boyfriend. It's like, you know how some guys out there have the perfect "trophy" wife? The ones they bring to company dinners and weekend barbecues? Well, I thought I found my perfect Filipino soon to be hubby...

Horrible. I know. Horrible.

But now, I'm on long distance relationship Numero DOS...and I seriously am not the same person as I was in the first relationship. I seriously don't know what happened. I'm not around picking up random dudes...I'm not even flirting! And that's saying a lot.

Who wouldn't want to be in a real relationship?? Seriously. If I didn't want to be in a relationship because I wanted the SINGLE life. Then it's simple. I'll be single.

123 Days of Solitude

And so I am slowly re-emerging into society.

Somehow I found myself indulging in this pseudo social experiment...i cut myself off from the normal world of a typical mid-twenties woman for 123 days (and counting)...

I've cut down on EVERYTHING...minimal cellphone usage (i've changed phones completely...changed phone plans COMPLETELY...minimized my text plan)...computer usage to the minimum...even human contact was reduced to one to two friends...seriously, talk about turning anti-social. It's like I woke up one day and decided to purge myself of technology and human interaction. Seriously. Ask my friends if I've talked to them in months, and they'll say i've been MIA for four months (or less).

Truth is I think I got tired of the city lifestyle. After living for twenty-one years in a small town i love to call elbi...i thrust myself out into the glammed up lifestyle of living in the city of Los Angeles. It certainly did not help that bars were excessively accesible...and my friends were amazingly AMAZING party people. But I just wanted to stop and just SIT, RELAX and do jack shit.

I worked and worked and worked...I became the true daughter of my father for whom I've inherited my incessant desire to work.

Father + daughter = Workaholics

And I an certainly admit now that ALL WORK AND NO PLAY - MAKES A REALLY DULL PERSON. Not that I did not enjoy myself being the hermit...in fact I embraced every inch of my boring old self. It was new, and exhilirating and utterly scary.

For 123 days I've indulged myself in hearing SILENCE...and found out that there's nothing scary in hearing myself think...in facing my dark thoughts (No, i'm not talking about cutting myself)...suddenly after a long time, I saw more of a glimmer of who i was five years ago. The shy little girl who would be holed up in her bedroom and writing stupid crap in her journal...

But slowly I am re-emerging...I've figured it's just about time before I start talking to myself and hear voices in my head.